The End of the World as We Know It
by DMarEssence
Summary: Where did Kilik's sanity go? Why can Spitfire read minds? Why do people keep molesting Kazu? All these questions and more are posed in the Tower of Trophaeum where Kilik lures his victims... How will the Air Gear crusaders escape the End of the World?
1. The Beginning of the End

This was a fic I accidentally implied to my friend… and she made me do it. Dedicated to Masi-no-Ichigo (grrr), please ignore th major Kilik OOC, this was all just for fun! No flames! Weird… I keep writing now flames 'cause I'm paranoid since my first review ever was a freakin' flame that tore my spirit down forever… so no flames, kay? You have been warned… this is VERY strange Air Gear goodness… enjoy.

* * *

Why had that idiot Kilik called them all down here in the first place? It was dark… and there was no gravity, which annoyed the Sky King to no end. What's worse, the electricity had gone out, so who knows how long they'd be stuck in this empty mine shaft?

"We're going down. Now," Kilik had barked, tipping up his sunglasses in a manner that always had irked Ikki to the very depths of his soul. Unfortunately, as the mechanism was switching down, a few unexpected, but not uninvited guests had made their way into the Tower of Trophaeum.

"You homo-perv! What the heck are you doing here?" Kazu pointed vehemently at the Iron Clock who had swooped down in the gap where the Tower began, his white duster flaunting unnecessarily as he jumped down. Behind him came Spitfire with the infamous Takeuchi brothers hot on their tail-

"What're you two bastards doing here?" Ikki spat, crossing his arms as the motley crew consisting of Agito/Akito, Kilik, Hangman, Benkei, Yoshitsune, Ringo, Simca, Ikki, Kazu, Spitfire, Sano, Sora, Nike and Kururu all descended into tunnel.

"No use pointing fingers at one another. We're trapped here until the water recedes, at the very least," Kilik deadpanned, receiving a few decadent glares.

"What do you _mean _until the water recedes? Is there going to be a flood?" Ringo, the leader of the Sleeping Forest demanded, putting her hands on her hips and glaring at her fellow gravity child.

"You see, the government has been frowning on ATs for years, so after they realized the key weakness to their mechanism, they devised a way to rid the world of ATs once and for all!" If it weren't for the knife cutting tension shrouding the room, Kilik would've proceeded to laugh maniacally, but instead, restrained himself and turned to his opposition.

"So, there IS a flood," Sano, the Iron Clock deduced, pushing his glasses up the bridge of his nose and glancing around the room, taking inventory of the prestigious riders that were locked inside.

"It's not Noah's Arch you idiot! They're not gonna wipe everyone out," Kazu snapped. He'd never liked that homo guy...

"In a short time, the G-men, in what they will call for the next few years a military experiment, will send out a supersonic frequency that will cause a disturbance in the continental rift. In a short time, the plates located beneath Japan will shift so rapidly, that a tidal wave the size of Russia will wipe us out… and our ATs with it."

There was an impending sense of dread on the Storm riders within the Tower, who were all slightly shocked at the news. In the distance, Kaito Wanjima sneezed at the mention of his plan.

"Fuck this, we can take 'em-" Agito, the renowned Shark had always liked large amounts of water anyway.

"As a matter of fact, we can't! Think about it! If all the stores and shops and black market rings are ruined due to a tidal wave, then AT is as good as over!" Kururu cried, nearly collapsing on the floor at the thought of the mine in the clock tower where the Tool Toul To base was being devastated by a massive hit of water. Their stock would be ruined.

"That is why I've called you all here. You are the cream of the crop, with each of you having certain capabilities that will make us the ultimate AT team of all time-"

"But… if there's no other teams, won't that automatically make us the best?" Spitfire, who'd been dormant up till now, raised his hand in mock respect while cleaning out his ear with the other. Kilik fumed slightly before shrugging.

"I suppose, but in time, after we've all interbred, an amazing spawn of super Storm Riders will remain the unopposed champions of Japan!"

"You guys can have your crazy incest party all you want, and while you're at it, can I have the regalia at the bottom of this pit? I've got places to be." Sora Takeuchi, never having been one for patience, hopped up and down on his new non-paraplegic legs before declaring that he had to take a piss.

"Way ahead of you," Ikki sighed. Ringo, Simca, Benkei and Kururu all averted their eyes because for some reason, all the boys had pulled their pants down.

* * *

After that little episode was taken care of, Kilik opened the ring up to questions.

"Why is the power out? I thought the Tower was its own generator!" Simca groaned, attempting to make sure her skirt was short enough and her shirt was pulled down enough so that Ikki would gape at her. The darkness however, hindered her plan.

"Good question. Think about it this way. If a train is leaving Osaka going 75 miles per hour, and another train going 80 miles per hour leaves Tokyo, what time will they both reach Hokkaido if both depart at 3:47 PM?"

The room was silent.

"What does that have to do with anything?" Nike whispered to his twin who only shrugged.

"I think the poor guy's snapped in his old… well, he's not old, but being down here for too long can do things to a person," Sora explained to his brother.

"Ah, Kilik you sly dog, that is a trick question! Hokkaido is an island with the inability to fortify trains from Honshu! Therefore, neither of them will arrive!" Sano, who had been mentally calculating the trajectory of both trains, held his fist up triumphantly in the dark.

"You idiot," Yoshitsune, the Rumble King declared as he flipped open his cell phone and proceeded to play one of his endless Tetris games. Sano would've challenged the King to a fight, if he wanted to risk punching someone else by accident. Although he wouldn't mind groping someone by… accident.

"Hey! Who the hell is touching my ass in the dark?" Kazu barked, swatting around himself in a circle until he stumbled into someone. And then he decked that person… hard. In the mouth.

After feeling the blow to his face, Ikki took a moment to spit the blood that had started seeping into his mouth through his gums before swinging back wildly in retaliation. He caught a very irritated Agito in the back of the neck, earning him a Fang Kick to the head.

"We're under attack!" Kururu declared, diving behind the person she'd correctly assumed was Benkei who was filing her nails uninterested.

"You fuck head! I'm gonna tear your fucking limbs off-"

"Agito? Why the hell are you attacking me!" Ikki shouted at his teammate, pushing the smaller, bipolar boy off of him before being clocked in the back of the knees by his unknowing campadre, Kazu. The Sky King collapsed before catching his pursuer in a headlock, that is, until he felt the beanie and released the Jet, who was struggling to regain air flow to his stifled lungs.

"Why the hell did you retards attack me?" Ikki demanded, wiping a combination of blood and saliva away from his mouth.

"Because you… molested me?" Kazu accused cautiously, to which Ikki responded with a quirked eyebrow.

"You'd know if_** I **_molested you Kazu. It was probably that homo-perv… he's been eyeing you in the dark for a while now," Ikki trailed off, leaving Kazu wondering how the Crow had known who was watching him in the dark… unless he had night vision or he truly _was _the person who molested him. The Jet's eyebrow twitched. _Why am I always the victim?_

"Come on Kazu, you're not _always _the victim," Spitfire mused comfortingly. The former Flame King had made his way over to where he'd heard the ruckus and draped his arm casually over Kazu's shoulders. The Jet stiffened. _Can he hear my thoughts? I knew it…it __**IS **__always me._

"How long is this thing going to last? What're we going to do about food?" Benkei complained, straightening out her cheetah print blouse and glaring through the shadows at Kilik, who she was becoming very suspicious of.

"I'm glad you brought that up. As it were, I've made not only a chart that shows who will breed when, but also who will be _eaten _when."

"I don't wanna be eaten!" Simca screeched, rolling as far away from her brother as possible before clonking into another body. The last body she wanted to roll into.

"I wouldn't mind devouring you, baby," Nike purred, reaching out in the darkness and embracing the nearest body.

"Why does everyone keep grabbing me?" Kazu complained, pushing back his assailant.

"We're not playing seven minutes in heaven! Everyone just stand away from each other!" Ringo ordered, reaching out her hands haphazardly in the dark and hoping to god she didn't molest anyone further.

"So," Ikki had followed the sound of Kilik's relentless voice and had sidled up next to him, hoping to get the low down before everyone else. "Who're we eating first?"

"Well, I did it so that the strongest are salvaged for last. We're starting off with the Crow, then the mechanic-" Ikki's eyes nearly bulged out.

"_**I'm **_the Crow!" he snapped, trying to identity Kilik's face so he could punch it.

"We all have to make sacrifices for the greater good," the blonde explained, once more tipping his glasses down… in the dark.

"AND I'm after Kururu for dinner? Who else is getting served up?" Ikki was now delirious. They'd all blindly followed Kilik into the business, but would they follow him now in this ridiculous scheme? _I don't wanna be eaten!_ Inner Ikki squealed.

"Well, it looks like we'll be having Shark fin soup after-"

"Are you fucking kidding me? I come _before _that useless degenerate? Fuck!" Agito, who had also been eavesdropping, decided now would be an opportune time to kill Kazu, who was preceding him in the line up.

"I'm innocent, I freakin' swear to god!" the Jet cried out as he attempted to run away from a fuming Agito.

Yoshistune and Sano were still playing Tetris after everything had settled down.

"Hey, can I play after you?" Ikki sauntered up behind the two geniuses and leaned his elbow on top of the Iron Clock's head. Sano twitched inwardly, but allowed the Crow to remain. He was his master after all.

"I bet you're wishing Kazu was your master," Spitfire interjected, listening in on the conversation.

"What're you, a psychic?" Sano hissed at his old friend, before making an attempt to push the former flame king back from his line of sight. Cell phones do give quite a range of vision, and right now, Sano didn't want to look at the insufferable red head.

"Sure, you can play… after I lose," Yoshitsune promised, shaking hands with the Crow who had begun to drool from the pointless boredom of watching the little blocks go down, down… down and then CLICK!

"Down, Down, Click!" Ikki repeated robotically.

"Doesn't the poor sap know that Yoshitsune once played a game of Tetris for six days straight?" Benkei whispered to a huffing Sano, who sat a few feet away, mulling about how he'd find another way to get into Kazu's pants… in the dark. _And how did Spitfire know what I was thinking? I just want to get out of here._

"I guess the Crow will be watching for a while then," Benkei sighed, pulling off her ATs and leaving them for someone to trip on. Kazu was the victim.

_No one better say that I'm not always the victim, _the Jet complained, probing about to see what exactly he'd landed on. To his surprise, it was a living breathing body.

It was Hangman. And he was napping.


	2. Frightful Insights

_T-this guy is so…sleeping._ Kazu, realizing the implications of the situation, reached into his sweatshirt pocket for a black, permanent marker.

In a way that would make a raging Jigglypuff jealous, Kazu set to work on making this guys' face a living hell. Kazu's first meeting with the Hangman was only a short time ago when the assassin had mistaken him for Ikki and pursued him idiotically through the streets of the city.

If not for Sano and Nue, the Jet would've been toasted by that mask wearing, skull stomping weirdo.

_Ha! That's for chasing me, that one's for punching me, that one's for making me jump off that bridge-_ and so on. When the assassin awoke, he would be 'faced' with some very profound and angry notes. Not that he would know for some time, considering it was still pitch black in the Tower, where everyone patiently awaited the return of the power.

"So, if this whole plate tectonic thing already happened, then why can't we leave?" Ringo, who had noticed that everyone was getting antsy; namely Agito, who couldn't find and kill Kazu, and Kururu, who had proceeded to take apart vital machinery from the inside of the Tower, and restructure it into practical pairs of ATs.

"Must. Build. ATs!" was all that was heard from the suffering blonde mechanic over the course of the group's stay in the dark tower.

This was getting a little out of hand. Deciding to go against Kilik's wishes, even though he was a part of her team, Ringo waltzed casually over to Benkei and whispered in her ear.

"We need to get out of here. It's only been two hours and everyone's already going crazy!" the apple explained, throwing her hands around wildly before composing herself. "Kilik's acting like a maniac! We need to-"

"Ringo, I'm so sad you think of me that way," Kilik pouted. Ringo, realizing her mistake too late, had mistaken Kilik for Benkei.

_Curse my poor night vision!_

"I suppose we'll just have to dispose of you," Kilik decided, summoning forth a somewhat sleepy Hangman, who only nodded at his request. Kazu laughed evilly in a corner before making sure no one was around to molest him.

"I love the way the pieces of a puzzle fit together, but when one of those pieces gets broken or chipped, they just taint the others... Have you figured out the puzzle yet, Ringo-chan?" Kilik whispered to Ringo, who was magically subdued by Hangman in the darkness.

_What's the use of having ATs to fight if I didn't even use them?_ Ringo cursed at her own stupidity before being sat in a corner and watched carefully by the half-awake Hangman.

_Hmm, how can I possibly give him the slip?_ Ringo was pondering this just as Kazu found himself tripping over her restrained body.

"Kazu! Psst, I need your help!" Ringo motioned with a jerk of her head at the ropes that she'd been tied up with.

"Who're you?" the Jet squinted through the blackness to try and identify his conversationalist.

"Ringo, you idiot! Now untie me, quick!" Ringo snapped. Kazu, wearily, complied.

"Now what're we going to do-GAH!" Kazu was interrupted by the weight of the ropes that were restraining Ringo being wrapped around his own body and secured.

"Sorry Kazu, but I need a dummy… you know, a manikin!" Ringo explained sheepishly. If only Kazu could've seen her utter sincerity in the darkness. But he couldn't, and now he was pissed.

_How the hell do I end up in situations like this? _

"Chill Kazu. Your friend the Hangman's been asleep for the past twenty minutes," Spitfire had made his way over the treacherous machinery and found a seat next to Kazu. The Jet was less than pleased.

_But if that wasn't Hangman… then who tied up Ringo?_

No one had noticed that Sano and Yoshitsune had switched places, allowing the Rumble King to slip out of the light of the cell phone's eerie glow. Inevitably, he'd thoroughly groped Ringo as he secured her according to Kilik's wishes.

_Pervert. I wonder if Ringo knows… nah. It's better that she doesn't. _

"So… you gonna untie me?" Kazu asked the Flame king seated next to him. Spitfire shrugged, patting the Jet on the shoulder before responding nonchalantly;

"Nah. Like she said, you're the dummy."

Kazu decided that if they ever lived through this ordeal, he was going to take some self esteem classes. For some reason, people picked him as an easy target, and he didn't like it one bit.

"Did I hear that correctly? Kazu-kun and bondage? Point me in the right direction!" Sano, who had returned Yoshitsune's Tetris, began to search in depths of the darkness. Thankfully, Spitfire had chosen to remain beside Kazu and pointed the Iron Clock in the opposite direction.

"I owe you one," Kazu sighed in relief that at least Spitfire didn't think it was funny to have his prodigy raped in the dark by his old friend.

"It wouldn't be funny, it'd be more like ironic… get it? _Iron_-ic? I crack myself up," Spitfire chuckled. Kazu only rolled his eyes and relaxed against his bindings. Someone would save him… maybe Ikki?

* * *

"Do you have any threes?" the Crow narrowed his eyes at Benkei who sat unmoving across the table from him. Where they'd found a card table, or even a deck of cards, was beyond any of them. Benkei growled in defeat before throwing her hand down on the table with a huff of annoyance.

"You win… again." Ikki smirked in response.

"I'm just lucky I guess-"

"You're just lucky eh? Well, what about the cards you stuffed up your sleeves, huh?" the tall, cheetah clad storm rider was peering down on the Crow in the darkness.

"What? H-how did you… but it's pitch black-"

"HA! So you _were_ cheating!" Ikki felt… cheated. Benkei, who'd been quite a card shark back in her day, had known all the tricks.

"Hey! You tricked me!" the dark haired boy sulked, pulling the cards from out of his sleeves and stalking away from the table.

While the captives of the Tower were playing their ridiculous games, Ringo had other ideas. She'd successfully navigated to the top of the Tower where she could see a ring of light coming from the doorway out.

_I've made it at last! Strange though…_ _there's no water or anything. Was there even a flood? _The apple was suspicious as she made her way hesitantly towards the exit. When she finally emerged from the blackness of the tower, much like a new born dolphin bursting forth out of the sea for the first leap of its young lifetime, Ringo was speechless at the state of the city.

_It's completely… untouched!_

* * *

"I used to live in this shithole… I can't much more of this," Nike Takeuchi growled, consorting with his brother in a dark corner of the Tower.

"What're you complainin' to me for? We were invited here on account of the end of the world!" Sora replied, dangling his feet off the edge of the railing that overlooked the pit. Down below held the platform, that, if the power were on, would allow them to defy gravity.

"I'm bored as hell. We need to stir up a little trouble," Nike smirked at his twin and bounced down back amongst the group, who were all startled at the loud clang his ATs made when they hit the ground.

Nike spotted his target up on the balcony he just jumped down from; opposite where he and Sora were just sitting.

"Dammit," he cursed, crossing his arms and surveying… the dark. Rejoining his brother who was snickering at his attempts, Nike gave Sora a sharp shove.

"Hey! I was paralyzed a little while ago! Cut me some slack, will ya?"

_Where did he pick up that ridiculous Texan accent again?_ Nike thought, wondering how on earth a guy who's been land locked (literally) in Japan could pick up something like that.

"Look, I've got an idea. We've been listening to that Kilik punk for much too long, you get what I'm saying?" Nike whispered huskily, his voice reminiscent of an Italian Gangster, conspiring against his don.

"Why are you talking like that?"

"I figured we should both have ridiculous accents." Sora rolled his eyes.

"Yeah, well I'm pretty sure this whole thing was a hoax to begin with," Sora remarked in a very blasé manner. Nike nodded in agreement. "So what we need here is a good ol' fashioned coup de 'tat!"

"Sora, I didn't know you could speak French! For a guy who's been condemned to a wheel chair for half his life, I'm surprised you're so worldly." Sora cast his brother a warning glare through the darkness. If glares could kill, this one could wound… because it was coming from someone who used to be paralyzed.

"I say we overthrow this one trick pony and get the hell outta here before I go crazy… again." Sora and Nike gave each other confirmative glances before making their way over towards Kilik, who seemed to be obliviously scribbling notes down on a clip board as he watched the group through his infrared specs from above.

"Yo, Kilik, we wanna discuss our accommodations," Sora barked, pushing Kilik off the balcony and down below where the rest of the captives had been drawn on account of the ruckus.

"Oh, and what do you find to your displeasure?" Kilik seemed to be enjoying this.

"Being cheeky are we? Tie him up. We're getting out of here!"

On that note, Spitfire, who'd been coveting Kazu for the last hour, unwrapped the bindings from the younger boy's body and offered it to the conquistadors Sora and Nike.

"_Now _you untie me!" Kazu muttered. _Well, at least I'm free-_

"Kazu-kun? Where have you been hiding?" Sano's voice pierced through the Jet's momentary respite like a derailed freight train.

_Shit, gotta hide! _Kazu decided, worming his way through the dark bodies in the crowd to as far away from the Iron Clock as he could get.

Once Kilik had been properly secured, Sora and Nike rounded up the group and were ordering them about.

"Find the power switch and get this platform back up. I've had enough of this darkness," the two brothers concurred.

"But black always suited you both so well," Kilik smirked. _Like both of your hearts_.

What was wrong with this sick bastard?

_Is that freak messing with us? And why isn't he putting up a fight?_

"What the hell are you planning on doing with us?" Benkei asked, stepping forward.

"I guess it's all in perspective." Another cryptic answer from the gravity king.

"We want answers, and we're willing to kill for 'em." Sora, who'd gotten up and taken action, brandished a piece of metal that Kururu had stripped from the walls.

"You're powers of persuasion are comparable to that of a Neanderthal," the blonde responded nonchalantly, relaxing against his binds and sighing.

Seeing this as an opportunity to get back at her brother, Simca ran forward and kicked her twin hard in the shins. Kilik looked up at her and let out a snort.

_So this is what it's come to then…_

Just as everyone had been riled into a frenzy, the lights popped back on… very suddenly.

"Everyone! May I have your attention?" Ringo cried from up above, seeing as the main power switch was at the very top, where no one had thought to look.

"Hey Ringo! Where've you been?" Ikki called up to her, looking confusedly around at the faces in the crowd.

"Where'd Kazu go?" The Jet, like Ringo, had decided he needed to get out, and once his homo perv stalker had discovered him, he found the incentive to reach the top of the tower out of his pursuer's reach.

The scene was right out of _The Lord of the Flies._ 14 people deserted in a strange world and allowing their primal instincts to over take them… in a way.

"What do you want, Ringo?" Ikki pried, surveying the reactions from those remaining below.

With that, Ringo skated down from her pedestal above the others and swiped Kilik's clip board from Hangman, who had been keeping it safe after Kilik had been abducted. Now that the lights were on, however, she looked at him strangely.

"What happened to your face? Well, anyway, my suspicions of Kilik were confirmed when I went up above and discovered that there was no massive tidal wave! This was all a ploy to lure us here and conduct one of his sick studies!"

A unanimous gasp shuddered through the storm riders. Except Agito. He _didn't _gasp.

After everyone had thoroughly comprehended the evidence Ringo had brought to the table, they began to one by one inspect the notes that Kilik had been writing all the while. They were disgusted.

"I do not have a one track mind!" Sano protested, standing up against the injustices described on the papers. _Now where did my Kazu go? _

"Good thing I'm not prone to violence, or I'd tear your fucking head off," Agito threatened as he joined Ringo and Kazu on the higher platform.

"Che, she was right. There's nothing up here 'cept that fucking city just the way we left it."

"What do we do now?" The Crow had moved forward out of the crowd and rejoined his teammates near the doorway.

"I say we bust this popsicle stand."

"That's the first good idea you've had Crow… ever."

And so, with that, all the unwise who had ventured into the Tower of Trophaeum that day and unwittingly accepted an invitation to live against all odds during the apocalypse (at the hands of a sick genius-mastermind) vowed never to accept another invitation to a gathering orchestrated by Kilik. Ever again.

The next day however, Kilik sent out new invitations in the mail.

_"You're cordially invited to live through the End of the World as we Know it…" _

-and it was sent to 14 _new _victims…

* * *

This was totally for my own viewing pleasure and I just randomly decided to post it. It wasn't supposed to be profound or following the plot or anything, so I don't want to here if you didn't like it…

DMar


End file.
